10 Self-Help Essays to Read Before Re-entering Society

After thoughts

The author notes that any resemblance to actual self-help is coincidental or born from deep and unrelenting fatigue.

By Kate Baer

1. Boy, This Weather Sure Is Nice! Making Small Talk Again With Someone Other Than Your Rescue Dog Robert

2. Your Friend’s Gray Tooth: Reacquainting With the Bottom Half of Beverly’s Face at Sunday Brunch

3. Oops, My Boss Has Seen My Vibrator! Troubleshooting Your Return to the Office After Multiple Blunders on Zoom

4. This Is No Longer Bananas: Unsubscribing From Early Quarantine Banana Bread Blogs in 12 Easy Steps

5. The Primitive Howl v. The Bloodcurdling Scream: Which Noise Is Right for You After Finally Dropping Your Kid at In-Person School

6. “Sorry, I Need To Water My Houseplants” and Other Excuses to Get Out of All Those Social Engagements You Were So Desperate For

7. These Corduroys Are Trying to Kill Me: Navigating the Return to Real Pants With Dignity and Grace

8. Tears at Table 3: Interacting With Your College-Aged Server, “Jell-O Shot Mike,” Without Bursting Into Heaving Sobs Over Eating at a Restaurant

9. I’ve Made a Huge Mistake: How to Reunite With (and Then Immediately Break Up With) Your Friend Stacy After You Remember She Is the Worst

10. “Aunt Brenda, What’s In This Potato Salad?” Questions and Phrases to Redirect QAnon Relatives at the Family BBQ (A Survivor’s Guide)

Please note that these essays are a work of fiction.

Kate Baer is a poet and bestselling author of “What Kind of Woman.” Her new book, “I Hope This Finds You Well,” comes out in November.

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